Let's sit in a circle and have Story Time!

Do you remember the good ole' days in elementary where you had 'story time'. The teacher would read a book, while some kids listened others would giggle and poke one another. If you all were here in person I'd make you all sit in a circle while we all shared our stories :P. Alas, since we are not in a room together, let's just imagine we are all sitting in a circle in a pretty room (whatever your vision of pretty is) and sharing our stories. I will warn you now, my story is not going to be a short one! Grab yourself a drink and snack.

Also, If you'd like to share your own story (if you have a blog) write one and share the link to it (below in the comments) I'd love to read it! Here is mine...

I was 21 and thin, but far from healthy ...eh at least not in my own opinion. This was me at that time...

I would eat whatever my heart desired, in whatever quantity, although I'd take mental note and eat less the next day if I decided to shovel my face for a day. I had bad food habits, but they were the only normal I new.

Side note: Let's get even more truthful and personal... when I was a Sophomore, I had decided to not eat for a week. It proved to be harder then I thought. But I kept it at one piece of toast a day. I had a cheerleader during this time, but eventually realized that what I was doing was very unhealthy. I went back to eating slowly, as a week alone of denying nutrients and food wreaked havoc on my body. This is a very real disease, it still affects me to this day. I see my body entirely different then anyone else, literally. Sometimes, I'll be overweight but look at myself in the mirror and think 'ohh, I look fine' it can also be very opposite then that at times too. I'll look at myself and think I'm morbidly obese. When I see a picture though of myself I'm usually confronted with the truth, whatever it may really be. I'm sure this makes no sense to some people. But for those that have been through a eating disorder whey will most definitely relate.

Okay back onto the story... I got pregnant at 21 with my first son. During my pregnancy with him I ate and ate some more and then ate a lot more. I started my pregnancy at 122lbs and ended at 180lbs. At 5'6" 180lbs is quite a bit. But I lost 20lbs right away after delivering him. I gained 58lbs total during his pregnancy. I tried breastfeeding him but without having educated myself, I ended up quitting when I went back to work (4 weeks). This little detail is important later in my story. I started working out at 8 weeks postpartum as well as cut back on how much I ate. By the time my first son was a year old I had gotten down to 130lbs. Sorry I don't have better photos of this weight loss journey...

5 months post-partum

At 1st Birthday

My husband and I got married in 2008, prior to the wedding, while planning I GAINED weight! Yup, due to the stress of planning I handled the stress how I've always handled it... by eating! By my wedding I was up to 145lbs.

 

This fact is important because I got pregnant right after our wedding, with our second son, baby number two. This pregnancy was no different from the first. I ate to my hearts content, but not with wholesome foods. I started off that pregnancy at 145lbs and ended it at 210lbs (YIKES), yes that is right, I gained a total of 65lbs. Now another added fact my first son was 9lbs at birth, my second son was only 7lbs15oz at birth. Having him I lost 20lbs, and ended up at 190lbs. 

A scary reality for me when I saw this photo. My second son was 10 months here.

I needed to at least lose 45lbs to get back to what I was at my wedding, or 68 to get to what I was prior to having my first son. It was scary for me to say the least. To make things more interesting this time I was adamant on breastfeeding for at least one year. Hence my detail about breastfeeding above. I tried to exercise during that first year, like I had with my first son. But it was proving to be extremely hard, I was facing issues already with my milk supply being low. When I would work out it'd damper my milk supply even more. I tried losing by just altering my diet. If I went to extreme it would also affect my milk output. I was fairly happy for awhile though. I never once considered myself to be a ugly fat girl. I had no self-esteem issues, that is until I was told by a loved one that I wasn't attractive anymore. It hit me hard, but at the same time, it woke me up to reality. I became serious from that point on and really tried. But this was prior to the one year mark of having my second son. It was tough and I became depressed a lot because as I said above I'd try things and all they would do is hurt my milk output. To make things worse my son was small, I felt so guilty like I wasn't making enough milk for him to grow. We had taken him to the pediatrician and to a specialist to make sure it wasn't anything serious. Fortunately it wasn't, he still today is my small guy. When he turned a year I didn't quit breastfeeding but I did supplement with milk while I was at work. He demanded less from me because he was eating more solid food, getting whole goats milk and getting my breast-milk. All this put so much pressure off myself to make 'enough' breast-milk. I started working out more often and started to watch my calories. It took another year (by the time he hit two) to get down to 150lbs, so close to what I weighed prior to getting pregnant with him. 

Front Before

Side Before

Back Before

Side After (1 year mark)

Front After

Back After

By the time he was a little over two, we got hit with a big surprise. We were pregnant AGAIN! It took me awhile to feel excited as I hadn't gotten to my goal weight, which I wanted to hit before having another. This time around I did NOT eat to my hearts content. I started the pregnancy at about 155lbs and ended it at 205lbs, 50lbs, this made me proud but it was also disheartening. While I gained less then my other two pregnancies, I had started out at a bigger weight so I still ended up at almost the same weight as my 2nd pregnancy. I once again lost 20lbs after having my third son. 

6 weeks pregnant w/#3

40 weeks pregnant

Right after having baby #3

1 week post partum

Our third son is now 7 months, we are quickly approaching that one year mark. I definitely had some fears this time around that I'd have the same milk supply issues. But they haven't been as bad this time around. Also, he has been growing just fine. I've tried a few times to lose weight. I had a 6 week gym membership I bought and did very well going at least 3 times a week. But after the membership was over we didn't have the money to renew it. So here I am, ready to do whatever I can to get back on the right path again. I have definitely been down this road before. It's definitely at times can be disheartening and I do get discouraged. But I still know that I can do it! I've done it not only once but twice! Now I'm gonna do it for the third time!  :)